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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Deja Vu

At 2 months Baby Xin weighs 5.7kg, smiles and coos when I talk to her. She has also developed a habit of licking her fingers (and the fingers are still covered in mittens). Another habit is fussing just before drinking milk, and she has been doing that this past week. I am only too aware that all this will pass, she will grow up too quickly, and I am savouring every moment now.
I looked back at my diary in Dec 2003 after giving birth to Yuan, my 2nd daughter. This is what I wrote:
"Yuan will be 2 weeks old tomorrow. I have the feeling that she will grow up too fast before I can savour each moment, the same way I felt during Wei's first year. And yet these days when I spend so much time confined at home, I want to do so much, catch up with so many things, I am torn between really idling the hours away, thinking about the future, looking at my daughter, waiting for Wei and hubby to come home; or catching up with all the work that seems to pile up. I will strike a balance eventually; still the feeling that time passes me by makes me melancholic. Something like, what have I done these past 2 years, between the time I had Wei and now I have Yuan? It's almost like deja vu, sometimes it feels like I am holding Wei the little baby all over again. Yuan will grow longer as I hold her but I will hardly notice it; then one day I think, when did she grow so long like this, her feet are not at my arms' length anymore!) I guess there are times when I ponder like this, frozen in time, afraid to move on to the future because the present seems so good...."
I am only thankful to be given the chance to experience this again, thankful that in the time that has passed me by, I have made good all those moments.

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